Sticky Tabs on the wall in my office…

Marriage is about creating in you a more selfless heart.  So often we have it backwards.  The truth of it is that your spouse is never going to meet all of your needs.   Where you are going to find fulfillment is in your relationship with the Lord.

  1. Don’t keep secrets from each other.  Be transparent.  Reveal parts of your heart – that builds intimacy.
  2. Don’t hold grudges.  Forgive each other.  Don’t let the sun set on your anger.  This is where bitterness starts.
  3. Don’t dwell on conflict.  It is never about the happy things, if it is all about budget, how to raise kids, Dad does not do devotions the way mom thinks it should be done there is no room for joy.
  4. Love changes because we change.  We change as we go through the different phases of life.  Must be committed to each other.
  5. Support each other’s interests and help your spouse do the best they can.

Celebrating God’s Original Design for Marriage – focus on the family.

Vital to a healthy marriage.

  1.  You and your spouse have high levels of respect, friendship, affection and humor.
  2. Positive interactions outweigh negative interactions 5 to 1.  How do we speak up our spouse, not speak our spouse down.
  3. You and spouse pay attention to each other.  (First of all I love you…. now you have to pay attention to me.  Look eyeball to eyeball)
  4. Your conversations start softly without anger and accusations.  Find language that you can point out the problem in a calm way.
  5. Husbands must accept the influence of your wife.
  6. It is difficult to change your spouse.  It is much better to pray for your spouse and love your spouse unconditionally.   When someone’s goal is to change their spouse and change their spouses behaviour, you have nothing but conflict.  Conflict all the time.  When you can settle your own needs down and say “that is not going to be my goal”, instead my goal is affirmation 5:1.  Five positive affirmation for every one criticism.   And I am going to pray for my spouse and I am going to lift my spouse up.  You will see some amazing things change in your own attitude and the things that irritate you will become less irritating.

 

  • A higher expectation than “it’s not fair” does not make you happy
  • People will tolerate anything that is fair. (really?)

 

Questions to run through a world vision

  • Who am I?
  • Why am I here?
  • How shall I live?
  • Am I doing a good job?

World vision is the lens through which we I see my circumstances, it impacts my choices, decisions and what comes out of my heart.  It is a major influence to the story of my life.  It influences how I respond to physical sickness, financial issues, rejection by other people, dreams that die (become impossible), school, work, etc.

What is the story that I am writing?

One world vision says:

  • There is nothing special about human beings because we share 98% of the same genes as apes
  • There is nothing sacred about human life
  • There is nothing to our consciousness of self than electro chemical reactions floating in the brain
  • There is no reason why the universe came into existence 13.7 billion years ago for no reason it will cease to exist in the future.

One world vision says:

  • Social contract between humans
  • moral limits of power
  • doctrine of toleration
  • liberty of conscience
  • human rights

One world vision says:

  • relationship with family friends
  • relationship to work
  • relationship to something bigger than themselves

Rebellion to authority

  • I know better
  • I write my own rules
  • I am in control of my life
  • I am self sovereign
  • God’s will and God’s word is too restrictive

As a human being, your primary task is to be a human being.

See the world through someone else’s eyes

  • We do not see the world as it is.
  • We see things as we are.  As we are conditioned to see it.
  • So, not only do we need to consider what we believe, but we also must consider the lens through which we see the world.

Question:  Is my perspective (world vision, lens) holding me back from life that is best?

Filter – Walk around, write it down.

Stop comparing the inside of you to the outside of others.

Roy Baumeister’s meaning of life.

  1. Identify – who am I
  2. Value – do I matter
  3. Purpose – why am I here
  4. Agency – can I make a difference

No man is an island.  We are all bees in a beehive.

Lifestyle/Decisions -> Impacts belief system -> We make choices (behave) -> Change experience (life experiences) ->  influences lifestyle/Decisions.

Kids – reward behavior not results

Poverty is a disease caused by:

  1. environment – where you live
  2. relationships
  3. past experience
  • Employees
  1. have a experience (past)
  2. get trained
  3. read
  4. listen
  • Above creates a world vision
  • informs employees motivation, attitude, decisions
  • Results in
    1. their actions
    2. what they say
    3. what they do
    4. Above are behaviours
  • Impacts business results
    • delighted customers
    • revenue
    • sales

 

4 Disciplines of Execution – 4Dx

In the jargon of Franklin Covey, the four steps are:

  1. Focus on the Wildly Important (Pick just one or two important goals, and make sure they are really important to the firm. Their importance is, in part, what will get your lawyers to be accountable.)
  2. Act on the Lead Measures (A “Lead” measure is a step which leads to the desired outcome. Their advice, in other words, is that instead of just keeping your eye on the goal, as we are often taught, you also need to keep your eye on the behaviors that will most likely lead to the goal.)
  3. Keep a Compelling Scoreboard (They advise firms to create a very real, concrete scoreboard that people can see and touch; to keep it simple; and to show regular progress on both the goal and the lead measures.)
  4. Create a Cadence of Accountability (This is done by having short—15 to 20 minutes—meetings each week during which you focus only on what you promised to do this week, did you do it, and what are you going to commit to do next week.)

 

Grumble…..

  • Long story short….
  • I know but I
  • Is it on your radar
  • I am just saying
  • All I am saying is,
  • I just don’t believe that’s my fault
  • It’s not the end of the world
  • It’s not my job to micro manage
  • What I am say is
  • Who cares what I think
  • I am just a project manager
  • The thing is
  • He is my point of contact
  • I don’t care
  • I don’t care
  • I don’t care
  • I just can’t trust….
  • It is called professionalism
  • I did a boo boo
  • y’know

 

Dare them with the truth of the world.  Need to challenge how we live.  We all have a lot of contradictions.  We do not have it all figured out.  We do not have it all together.  There is something magnetic about a church that does not pretend that they have it all together.  We need each other.  We are broken people.  In the midst of it all, the spirit is able to connect.

 

Behaviors

We tend to behave in the ways that we expect to provide the most self-satisfaction.

We  tend to have a greater impact on a purpose when we come together.

Do my kids need to BE “good” or DO “good” behavior?  Or do my kids need to be wise?

Lies we believe:

  • they cause unhappiness
    • wrong expectations
    • unreal world vision
    • believing a lie like:
      • I should be better than I am
    • Need to be aware of our weaknesses and work on them
    • Unreasonable expectation is that we have no weakness
    • Unreasonable expectations for spouse, kids, parents, God
      • What are my expectations?
    • Reasonable?  vs. Realistic?

Wrong thinking.  Can I recognize it?

I cannot be thankful FOR all things.

I can be thankful IN all things.  This is gratitude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements