Relationships – THE WALL

Most people spend all their energy blaming other people for their relational problems.



Listen to this once a year…

170322_Building the Bridge to Forgiveness.mp3

Best-selling author Gary Chapman explains how listeners can work to heal broken relationships by taking personal responsibility and seeking forgiveness. (Part 1 of 2)

Part of the L.U.V.E. — A Five-step Communication Process for Conflict Resolution Series

  1. Listening is the First Step to Conflict Resolution in L.U.V.E.
  2. Understanding is the Second Step to Conflict Resolution in L.U.V.E.
  3. Validation is the Third Step to Conflict Resolution in L.U.V.E.
  4. Empathy is the Fourth Step to Conflict Resolution in L.U.V.E.
  5. Apology is the Fifth Step to Conflict Resolution in L.U.V.E.

Four parts of an apology

The process of a healing apology is made up of four simple statements. Consider how powerful these 12 words can be in helping reach the deepest level of intimacy:

“I was wrong.” These first three words acknowledge that your words or actions hurt your spouse, and they validate his or her pain.

“I am sorry.” These next three words go beyond confession and give you the opportunity to explain that you understand how much you hurt your spouse, and you feel terrible about it. The empathy allows you to feel the remorse necessary for the next statement.

“Please forgive me.” These words inform your spouse that you accept responsibility for your actions and that you want to see your relationship reconciled. You are not demanding anything; instead, you are inviting your spouse to forgive you and to restore the intimacy and connection that was broken. Requesting forgiveness also displays humility from the offender because you have to admit that you have been wrong and you are willing to make things right.

“I love you!” The final three words affirm your love and commitment to your spouse. They say that your love isn’t dependent on whether your spouse forgives you. Instead, you are saying that your love is unconditional and that your heart is fully open.

Conflicts, arguments and offenses are unavoidable, but the inability to forgive can become a person’s personal prison. To remain in a loving relationship, you must grasp the idea that forgiveness is essential.


How to tear the wall down:

  1. Identify your own failures!
    1. Start with prayer – Psalm 139:23-34
      1. Psalm 139:23-24English Standard Version (ESV)
        23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
            Try me and know my thoughts![a]
        24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
            and lead me in the way everlasting![b]
    2. List what God reveals to you, things like:  Where am I failing?  “be ye kind one to another”, “tender hearted” or harsh cold bitter cruel mean, “forgive one another”,   Promises made and never kept.
  2. Confess all the above list to God.  “If we confess our sinS,
    • 1 John 1:9    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
    • Confess just means to AGREE.  To AGREE with God that our sins are wrong.   The opposite of confess is to present God with an excuse that the OTHER person did something first.    Do not let someone else’s bad behaviour be an excuse for me to behave badly.   Confess means to “ACCEPT GOD’s Forgiveness”.
  3. Get and maintain an Empty concience.  Confession to the other person.
    • Acts 24:16   16 So I always take pains to have a clear conscience toward both God and man.
    • Nothing is more important for mental health and spiritual health than having and maintaining (working on) a clear concience.



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