I must find my fulfillment in God first.

I must find my fulfillment in God first.  Not my job, my wife, my kids, my car, my house, my friends etc.

Psalm 23 –  The Lord is my shepard I shall not want.

When couples are counciled, counciler see people WANTING so much from the other person.  (All conflict boils down to “you are not meeting me “needs”/”wants”.   Because people are naturally self centered and self focused they often have unreasonable expectation of the other person.

David and his relationship with the Lord “my cup is OVERFLOWING”… I should have so much from my relation ship with GOD that I am overflowing… I should be saying to my wife, kids, coworkers and friends… “COME over here and get some of this oveflowing water from the Lord.”  I am overflowing with how much I love him you got to get some of this.

Was David overflowing from his wife? His kids? His Power?… NO.  He was first overflowing from the Lord.

I cannot blame my unhappyness on some other person.  I am trying to find fulfillment in a earthly relationship.  If I try this I will always fail because I am looking for fulfillment in a self centered sinner.

When something is OFF in any relationship, it is all about going to the LORD first.  “LORD what do YOU want in my heart.  How do YOU want me to see this situation.  Go to the Lord first, ask him for help (the Lord provides 1) his word (bible) 2) community (small group & biblical friends)   3) church & prayer.  Then I can come back and have a reasonable and right and correct prayerful expectation of the other person.

Always validate what you hear spiritually… Is it true?  1) check it against the bible.  2) check it with your small group, spiritual leaders, biblical friends.  Are you listening to God or other spirits?  You can always check.

Or are you overflowing… I am so in love with God that I will splash over love onto my wife and kids regardless of the circumstances.

A side effect of this correct world vision is living the best possible life where we have right expectations of wife, kids, friends and coworkers… PEACE! LOVE! PATIENCE!

Focus on the family… View of eternity part 3.

 

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Sometimes our feelings are NOT true.

Running Mad at God – Pine Lake Church  November 20-21, 2016

Emotions are Good.

God gives you every emotion.

Your feelings are REAL.

BUT — Sometimes our feelings are NOT true.

go to minute 17…

There is something BETTER than emotion.  That is TRUTH!

The truth is God loves you and is gracious to you even in your worst moments.

God sends Jonah a plant.  Jonah is in pain… and God appoints a plant for Jonah.   God gave Jonah something he did not deserve.  God will come even when you are MAD at him.   God will not give you what you deserve… God will give you what you do not deserve because God is God and that is his nature.

You don’t need faith… You need “Do what you’re told”.

FROM — 161122_His Thanksgiving.mp3      Gateway Church Audio Podcast “His Thanksgiving from Pastor Robert  November 19, 2016”

It does not take faith to forgive.  It takes obedience.

NOTE:  OBEY and COMMAND words here…

Here, the apostles asked Jesus for more FAITH but Jesus told them they do not need more faith they need more “do what you are told”…  OBEY and COMMAND.

Luke 17:5-15

The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.  “Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at table’? Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly,[d] and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded?  (not asked, not suggested… commanded) 10 So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants;[e] we have only done what was our duty.’”

You don’t need faith… You need “Do what you’re told”.

 

Jesus said, I am the Lord. I told you to forgive people.  You do not NEED faith OR MORE faith to forgive people.  You need to be obedient and do what you are told.

Jesus says “SEE, good things happen when you obey… (What the lepers heard, did then got healed.”

 

FROM — 161122_His Thanksgiving.mp3      Gateway Church Audio Podcast “His Thanksgiving from Pastor Robert  November 19, 2016”

Addiction is a relationship

“Addiction is a relationship, a pathological relationship in which obsession replaces people.” – Patrick Carnes

Pathological relationships are described as “being under its spell,” “entranced by it,” “hypnotized by it” or even “spellbound” or “mind-controlled.”

path·o·log·i·cal     —   ˌpaTHəˈläjək(ə)l/

  • adjective of or relating to pathology.
  • involving, caused by, or of the nature of a physical or mental disease.
  • synonyms:           morbid, diseased
  • informal:    compulsive; obsessive. “a pathological gambler”
  • synonyms:           compulsive, obsessive, inveterate, habitual, persistent, chronic, hardened, confirmed

Idolitry is putting a relationship with “things” before relationship with God and relationship with the people around us.   (loves out of order)

From here:  http://www.webpsychologist.net/10-most-common-addictions/

10 Most Common Addictions

Aug 16, 2014

Alcohol, tobacco, drugs, gambling, shopping, sex, food, video games, internet and work are the 10 most common forms of addiction. What characterizes these forms of addiction? And how can we understand this phenomenon?

When we think of addiction, most of us think of alcohol and drugs.  Indeed, alcohol addiction costs just America $250 billion a year, 2 billion people have problems with alcohol worldwide and 185 million abuse drugs. 1   70% of violent crime is enacted by someone under the influence of alcohol or drugs. 2  90% of muggings and theft are related to drug use. 2

But alcohol and drugs aren’t the only crippling addictions.  1 out of 8 Americans are addicted to something. 2  Addiction statistics are scarce because many destructive habits are not yet officially recognized as addiction.  Among them,   gambling, eating and internet use are problematic for many.  The 10 most common addictions are alcohol, tobacco, drugs, gambling, shopping, sex, food, video games, the internet and the addiction to work.

Alcohol

This legal intoxicant is incredibly destructive for both the individual and society at large.  The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that alcohol is linked to more than 60 types of disease and injury: it causes 20-30% of worldwide incidences of esophageal cancer, liver cancer and cirrhosis of the liver, epilepsy, murder and motor vehicle accidents.  It causes 1.8 million deaths and contributes to 58.3 million of life years worldwide that are lost to disability. 4

Alcohol use is on the rise and is a common factor in violent crimes, including spousal and child abuse.

Tobacco

Tobacco still holds first-place ranking as the substance that causes the most health damage worldwide.  1.3 billion deaths occur because of tobacco addiction annually.  In 2002, WHO reported that smoking caused over 90% of the lung cancer cases in men and 70% of the cases of lung cancer in women, 56-80% of the cases of chronic respiratory diseases and 22% of the cases of cardiovascular disease. 5

Tobacco causes 8.8% of deaths worldwide and 4.1% of life years lost to disability.  Tobacco use is rising worldwide and is expected to cause 10 million annual deaths by 2020.  70% of those deaths will occur in developing countries. 5

Drugs

The United Nations estimates that 185 million people worldwide were consuming drugs in the late 1990’s. 6

Both prescription medications and illegal drug use is on the rise throughout the world.  Many addictive prescription medications such as OxyContin and Vicodin have become as common as marijuana use among young people. 6

Children, especially, make use of volatile organic solvents such as cleaning products, paint, glues and nail polish remover. 7

Drug trade threatens the lives and social fabric of many communities and cultures.

The most heavily used drugs are cannabis, cocaine, heroin and methamphetamines.

Cannabis 8

Cannabis is still the most widely grown, trafficked and used illegal drug and seizures of the crop occur in almost every country in the world.  2.5% of the world population consumes cannabis every year and its use has grown faster than cocaine or heroin abuse.

Cannabis impairs cognitive development and physical performance and raises the risk of motor vehicle accidents.  It can permanently impair memory and mind, exacerbate schizophrenia, cause bronchial damage and impair fetal development.

Cocaine 9

Cocaine and crack use occur in 1-3% of the population in developed countries and producing countries and addiction rates have caused many medical and social problems including the spread of crime and disease, violence and fetal exposure.

Heroin 10

The worldwide production of heroin has tripled since 1985 and it is estimated that there are 9.2 million users.  Heroin users face 20 to 30 times higher risk of death than non-drug users and the spread of diseases like HIV and hepatitis follow in its wake.

ATS 11

The WHO reports that there has been pronounced production and increase in use of amphetamine-type stimulants (ATS).  Methamphetamine use is so widespread and so much in the media that it has become part of cultures worldwide, giving young people a skewed sense of acceptance and safety about their use.  There are now about 20 countries in which the use of ATS is more prevalent than that of heroin and cocaine combined.

Gambling

Gambling addiction is on the rise, partly due to accessibility and partly due to a change in acceptability.  Today, gambling is available in every corner store and on the Internet.  It’s sanctioned by the government and is a source of income for humanitarian social programs.

Food

Eating disorders are also on the rise and include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and compulsive eating.

Many of the eating disorders that exist today may be due to the abundance of food available and its mostly unhealthy nature.  Media advertisements, the fast-food culture, along with conflicting messages about unattainable and unrealistic ideas of body shape cause many to engage in dysfunctional eating habits that can lead to food addictions.

Video games

Many parents recognized the addictive nature of video games in past decades.  They are said to affect grades and are linked to ADD.  A 2007 study found that “almost 1 out of every 10 youth gamers show enough symptoms of damage to their school, family and psychological functioning to merit serious concern.” 13

Video games are becoming more and more appealing to adults as well.  One stuy found that 44% of gamers are between 18 and 49. 13

The advent of online gaming and virtual worlds has caused gaming addictions to reach new highs, especially in Asian nations.  These worlds allow one to build or assume another identity and interact with others, heightening the addictive nature of the games.

Internet

Internet addiction is another global concern.  The rise in many other addictions can be traced to the advent of the Internet.  Gambling, shopping, sex addictions are among them and anorexics have been known to create web sites with “helpful tips” for other self-starving people.

Internet addicts spend more and more time on the computer at the expense of relationships with friends and family, risk their jobs and academics, may become indebted, feel unable to stop spending so much time on the Internet, feel guilty and act secretive about it and experience symptoms of withdrawal when they are away from their computers.

Types of Internet addiction include gaming, cybersex, social networking, shopping, gambling and information mining.

Sex

Media and the Internet contribute to the rise of sex addicts.  They use sex as a drug to escape from reality, relieve anxiety or fulfill compulsions.

Shopping

1-6% of the population suffers from compulsive shopping.  12 We all overspend occasionally but the compulsive shopper gets into serious financial trouble and risks relationships over their addiction.

They may get an initial thrill from a purchase that quickly fades into guilt and depression and then they try and treat their feelings with more shopping.

Work

Karachi means “death from overwork” in Japanese, where 10,000 people die every year from putting in too many hours. 12

The spread of a consumer culture across the globe contributes to this drive to attain the most money one can and lots of money becomes linked to status and self-identity.

Overwork is looked upon as a positive characteristic but in reality, it destroys the health and relationships of many.

Sources

1)WHO Staff (2009).  Substance Global Burden. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved from http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/global_burden/en/index.html

2) Brainz Staff (2009). 10 Surprising Facts About Addiction. Brainz.org[online]. Retrieved fromhttp://brainz.org/10-surprising-facts-about-addiction/

4)WHO Staff (2009). Alcohol. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved from http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/alcohol/en/index.html

5) WHO Staff (2009). Tobacco. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/tobacco/en/index.html

6)Brainz Staff (2009). 10 Surprising Facts About Addiction

7) WHO Staff (2009). Other Substances. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved from http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/volatilesolvent/en/index.html

8) WHO Staff (2009). Cannabis. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/cannabis/en/index.html

9) WHO Staff (2009). Cocaine. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/cocaine/en/index.html

10) WHO Staff (2009). Opiates. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/opiates/en/index.html

11) WHO Staff (2009). ATS Facts. World Health Organization [online]. Retrieved fromhttp://www.who.int/substance_abuse/facts/ATS/en/index.html

12)Addiction Hotline of New Jersey Staff (2009).Types of Addiction.  Addiction Hotline of New Jersey [online].

13)Gonsalves, Antone (2007, April 2). Report Documents Video Game Addiction. Information Week [online]. Retrieved from http://www.informationweek.com/news/internet/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=198701937

 

From here:  http://www.webpsychologist.net/10-most-common-addictions/

Trinity Western

 

Trinity Western University law school wins BC appeal

http://www.dailyxtra.com/vancouver/news-and-ideas/news/trinity-western-university-law-school-wins-bc-appeal-209306

Court of Appeal rules the school has a right to freedom of religion while acknowledging the covenant is ‘hurtful’ to LGBT people

Published on Tue, Nov 1, 2016 8:03 pm. Nathaniel Christopher

 

British Columbia’s top court has told the BC Law Society that it must accept graduates from a Christian university’s proposed law school.

In its 66-page decision released Nov 1, 2016, and signed by Chief Justice Robert Bauman and four other judges, the BC Court of Appeal ruled that Trinity Western University (TWU) has a right to hold and act on its beliefs absent actual harm.

“To do so is an expression of its right to freedom of religion,” the decision says. “The Law Society’s decision not to approve TWU’s faculty of law denies these evangelical Christians the ability to exercise fundamental religious and associative rights which would otherwise be assured to them under s. [section] 2 of the Charter.”

The dispute centres on TWU’s community covenant, which students must sign as a condition for admission. Among other things, the covenant asks students to uphold biblical teachings including no premarital sex and no gay sex. Failure to uphold these commitments, according to a student handbook, could result in disciplinary action including dismissal.

The BC Court of Appeal upheld a 2015 ruling by the BC Supreme Court that found the law society had infringed Trinity Western University’s right to religious freedom when they voted to not approve the proposed school of law.

In April 2014, the directors of the BC Law Society — called benchers — voted to approve the proposed law school. Six months later, however, they went back on their decision following an outcry from their members which, in turn, prompted a binding referendum.

Seventy-four percent of members voted against approval.

The Court of Appeal ruled that the benchers failed to fulfil their functions by reaching their decision through a binding referendum instead of weighing their statutory objectives against Charter values.

“A society that does not admit of and accommodate differences cannot be a free and democratic society — one in which its citizens are free to think, to disagree, to debate and to challenge the accepted view without fear of reprisal,” the decision says.

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“This case demonstrates that a well-intentioned majority acting in the name of tolerance and liberalism, can, if unchecked, impose its views on the minority in a manner that is in itself intolerant and illiberal.

While the court acknowledged that the covenant is “deeply offensive and hurtful to the LGBTQ community,” it noted that the charter does not protect people from offensive and contradictory views outside of hate speech that could incite harm against others.

“Disagreement and discomfort with the views of others is unavoidable in a free and democratic society,” reads the decision. “Indeed, it was evident in the case before us that the language of ‘offense and hurt’ is not helpful in balancing competing rights.”

“The beliefs expressed by some Benchers and members of the Law Society that the evangelical Christian community’s view of marriage is ‘abhorrent’, ‘archaic’ and ‘hypocritical’ would no doubt be deeply offensive and hurtful to members of that community.”

TWU spokesperson Amy Robertson says that the decision is a victory for all Canadians.

“It’s a very good day at Trinity Western with this decision which affirms our fundamental identity as Canadians,” she tells Daily Xtra. “In this country, we have the freedom to believe in God or not. In Canada we have the freedom to follow our conscience.

If the BC Law Society decides to appeal, the case would move to the Supreme Court of Canada.

“The BC Court of Appeal decision in the Trinity Western University law school matter released today adds another dimension to an already complex issue,” the society said in an email statement. “The Law Society will be reviewing the decision and considering next steps.”

Lawyer barbara findlay says the latest decision minimizes discrimination faced by gay and lesbian people, and allows people to use religion to justify homophobia.

“The court recognizes that gay and lesbian people are potentially discriminated against by the covenant that Trinity Western has, but they say, first of all, there is no evidence of a particular gay or lesbian student who has been discriminated against,” she says. “Which is kind of ironic because what gay or lesbian students is going to announce their sexual orientation upon signing up at Trinity Western?”

The proposed law school has received accreditation in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island. The Law Society of Newfoundland and Labrador has yet to make a decision. The law societies in Ontario and Nova Scotia, however, both rejected TWU’s application.

In June 2016, the Ontario Court of Appeal decided in favour of the Law Society of Upper Canada. TWU is challenging that decision in the Supreme Court of Canada.

In July 2016, Nova Scotia’s Court of Appeal overturned the decision and the law society chose not to appeal.

 

http://www.dailyxtra.com/vancouver/news-and-ideas/news/trinity-western-university-law-school-wins-bc-appeal-209306

To create relationships that feel safe

Best relationships require 2 open hearts

Heart Closed when:

  • Busy, exhausted, worn out – heart closed.
  • Not enough sleep – heart closed.
  • Negative comment – heart closed
  • hope and dreams are threatened – heart closed

Goal becomes:    to create relationships that feel safe.

A heart will only be fully open to you is if it feels SAFE.

We can create homes that feel like the safest place on earth.

Emotional safety really means:

  • is when you feel free to open up
  • is when you feel free to reveal who you really are
  • reveal deepest thoughts
  • reveal deepest feelings
  • hopes
  • dreams

We feel safe when we can open up and share those things and trust and believe in our hearts that our spouse will handle those things with the utmost care.  Listen, understand, validate, cherish and honor who we really are.

How do we do this?

  1. Attitude
  2. Actions

Nourish & Cherish  (Attitude)

Cherish – Cherish is an attitude.  I get how incredibly valuable my wife is.  My wife is extremely valuable NOT because I say so but because GOD says so, she is my treasured possession.

Matthew 6:21  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
  1. I can see that you are really upset.   I can see that you are ________________ .
  2. Hey, I am sorry.
  3. How can I help.

Nourish – Nourish – I want to treat you in valuable ways.  Treat with action.  I feel loved when you _________________________.

  1. Gratitude –   (opposite is criticism – spending money wrong, heating house wrong, talking to kids wrong, )
  2. Laugh and have fun –  (work all the time, cleaning house, cooking,    )

 

MORE:

• Validate your mate by repeating back what you hear him saying. Make sure you don’t argue or debate them…it’s his need.

• Although it’s your spouse’s responsibility to share her needs, realize that there will be times when you must take the initiative and ask.

• When your spouse shares his or her needs, provide body feedback so he or she knows you are listening.

• People share their deepest needs when they are free from distractions, both physically and emotionally.

• As you reciprocate and share your needs, your spouse will be more likely to share his.

Make your spouse feel like her needs are valuable to you.

• Your mate needs to trust that the information he shares is going to be protected not only from your ridicule but from others as well.

• Once relational needs are shared, it’s discouraging if nothing is acted upon or nothing changes in the relationship.

 

following from here:   http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-feel-more-loved-9-tips-for-deep-connection/

“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer

If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved.

We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.

We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.

There’s actually some interesting research that shows we tend to value physical possessions less when we feel loved and accepted by others, because relationships can provide a sense of comfort, insurance, and protection. They truly are the most valuable things in our lives.

I remember when I completed my last promotional tour. It’s something I used to do for work—travel around the country promoting products at sporting events, concerts, and retail locations. I chose this career partly because it seemed adventurous, and partly because it allowed me to distract myself with constant change and motion.

Although there were more than 20 people on the tour, I frequently stayed in separate hotels because my responsibility was to care for the tour dog, and the group often stayed in places that didn’t allow pets.

I’d just decided to leave NYC shortly before this job, after slowly climbing out of years of self-loathing, depression, and isolation. I wanted nothing more than to make real friendships, but I simply didn’t know how.

I saw it happening all around me. I saw women forming bonds that I knew would last for years, while I frequently felt awkward and insecure. I saw romantic relationships blossoming, while I had a superficial fling with someone I hardly knew, who hardly knew me back.

Though I was trying to open up to people and create space for them to open up as well, I still felt alone, love-deprived, and terrified that these feelings would endure. As a consequence, I frequently sabotaged myself and potential connections.

I assumed there was something wrong with me for struggling in relationships, when it was actually my thinking that manifested everything that felt wrong.

I’m sure there are countless other people who’ve been in that place before: feeling isolated, disconnected, and confused about how to change it.

Others still experience something different but related: They have meaningful friendships, but still feel there’s something lacking—like there could be more love coming their way, romantically or otherwise.

I’ve learned a lot about giving and receiving love over these last several years, and I’ve dramatically transformed my thinking and sense of connection as a result. If you’ve ever wanted to feel more loved, you may find these tips helpful:

Open Your Heart

1. Initiate meaningful conversations.

The first step to feeling more loved is creating close relationships, and that starts with meaningful, engaged conversations. These don’t necessarily need to be deep and spiritual in nature. They just need to be honest, authentic, and reciprocal.

You can initiate this type of exchange with anyone at almost any time simply by asking about the other person, fully listening to what they have to say, and then finding common ground. Naturally some people will stay shut down, but it’s worth the risk of feeling vulnerable to find the ones who won’t.

2. Give the gift of your presence.

Often when we converse with people, we’re not fully listening; we’re formulating our response in our heads and waiting for our turn to talk. We’re not only doing the other person a disservice when we do this; we’re also shortchanging ourselves.

Think about the last time you really opened up to someone. It likely required you to feel a level of comfort and trust, even if you didn’t yet know that person very well. The act of opening up is itself an offering of love. It’s an invitation to let someone in.

In recognizing this and welcoming it by fully hearing other people, we are, in fact, receiving love.

3. Open up your love valve.

Just like a heart valve prevents blood from flowing backwards, our love valve might block the flow of energy in our interactions. This generally happens when we get too caught up in our head, thinking, analyzing, and wanting more, instead of being present and allowing a natural give and take.

Come into the moment, take the pressure off the situation, and avoid the urge to fill silences with chatter. Instead, picture the interaction as something cyclical in nature, where there’s a balance of sharing and listening, giving and receiving.

When we clear the mental clutter and allow this type of flow, we are in essence choosing to be love.

Open Your Mind

4. Change your beliefs about the world and love.

When we tell ourselves the same things over and over again, we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you tell yourself that people don’t care, you’ll put that energy into the world and then easily find evidence to back it up. If you tell yourself you’ll never experience love, you’ll create mental barriers and then subconsciously repel it.

Tell yourself a different story: There’s a lot of love in the world, there’s plenty to go around, you deserve it, and it’s coming to you every day.

5. Consider that love might look different than you visualized it.

In telling yourself that love is coming to you every day, you’re not merely lying to yourself; you’re taking responsibility for recognizing the love around you.

It might not be from the person you want to be with romantically. It might not meet the standards and criteria you defined in your head. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

When a friend pushes you to reach your potential, it’s an act of love. When a family member takes the time to listen to you, helping you form insights about your life, it’s an act of love.

See and appreciate the love all around you and it will surely multiply because you’ll come to potential new relationships with a sense of wholeness instead of lack.

6. Give love when you’re tempted to judge.

Ultimately, this is how we all want to be loved: without judgment, pity, or condescension. Commit to giving this kind of love, both in your existing relationships and in new ones you might be tempted to avoid.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow your instincts when you feel like unsafe around someone. It just means you look below the surface, give people a chance, and in doing so create the potential for more meaningful, mutually supportive relationships.

Make the conscious choice to be understanding and compassionate. While getting isn’t the intention of giving, this will likely set the stage for you to receive the same consideration in return.

Open Your Eyes

7. Value the people who are there.

Sometimes we get so caught up looking for romantic love that we forget to appreciate the friends and family who are always there, offering their support. At least I did. Despite my chronic fear of being seen and judged, and my instinct to self-sabotage, I spent a long time believing that I was incomplete.

I know you might be thinking that friendships aren’t the same as romantic affection, and I understand. I felt this way too. But we don’t attract romantic love into our lives by focusing on what’s missing. We attract potential partners by radiating love.

Take an inventory of all the people who care. There are likely far more than you realize.

8. Recognize the love you’re not giving.

It’s far easier to pinpoint what we’re not getting than it is to be honest with ourselves about what we’re not giving. Perhaps you want people to check in with your more frequently. Are you checking in with them? Maybe you want people to ask more about your personal life. Are you asking them about theirs?

Give the type of love you want to receive. Give praise. Notice the little things. Offer help without it being asked of you.

I’m not suggesting you should always be the one giving. If it feels like a constant one-way street, then it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. But in most healthy ones, giving more freely creates an environment of consideration and generosity.

And then of course there’s the other side of this coin: Ask for what you need! There’s one relationship in my life that’s often felt unbalanced. Recently I asked this friend if she’d call me sometimes just to talk, as opposed to calling for advice. I asked, and now she does.

9. Look deeply at your needs and intentions.

Sometimes when we go out looking for love, we’re really trying to avoid giving ourselves what we need. There’s pain in our past we don’t want to acknowledge; or there’s an emptiness inside that we don’t want to fill on our own.

If you’re feeling a hole somewhere inside, take a close look at what might have caused it. Be strong enough to acknowledge what you need to do for you, whether it’s having a long overdue conversation with a family member, working on your self-esteem, or finding a sense of purpose in life.

We all deserve to feel loved by the people in our lives, but first need to be willing and able to love ourselves. That’s what it takes to feel deeply connected: to feel deeply connected to ourselves and confident in what we can give.

above from here:   http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-feel-more-loved-9-tips-for-deep-connection/