The Power of the Other

The Power of the Other (Dr. Henry Cloud) psychologist

“Reach outside yourself and get some help.”

God says that if we own our vulnerability and we ask for some help (relationship) he will help us.

My plan will fail if my plan is all about me.

  1. it needs to get to my heart
  2. I need God’s help
  3. I need my neighbours help (wife, mentor, friend)  someone who will say “we have all been there”

Sometimes, (1st corinthians), Paul was depressed.  God who comforts the depressed sent Titus to me.”

My brain can change, world vision change, mentor’s influence.

  1. wireing
  2. chemicals

SELF HELP is an oxymoron…  mutually exclusive

SELF MADE MAN – NO you are not.  NO SUCH THING.  If you think you are the source for yourself, hold your breath, see what happens.   If you were put on the moon in your underpants… reproduce what you have where you are now.

ASK, where are you inside, where are you in your life.  Only 4 places:


  1. corner (1) NO connection (Issolation) – not connecting with anyone.  There may be people around them but they are not connected.  Couple in the room but no connection. (woundedness, hurt, pride, defensiveness – alone in relationship)  symptoms are – loneliness, depressed, no meaning in life, no joy, no energy – crummy place to live.
  2. corner (2) BAD connection (Shame) – might be a good relationship/connection or a bad realtionship/connection – nature of the connection “you end up feeling bad about yourself in some way.”  not good enough, inferrior, some expectation that you cannot ever meet, no matter how hard you try you end up experiencing:  shame, guilt, inferriority, badness, just wish I could be better, never can quite get there.  I just cannot be good enough.  what ends up happening… go back to corner (1)
  3. corner (3) FAKE GOOD connection- we go to corner 3 because we want to feel good.  We medicate ourselves. Feels good for a minute.  Sugar, drugs, porn, next quarters numbers, computer games, kids success in sports/music, sex relationship, adultery,
  4. corner (4) REAL CONNECTION – this is where we get fueled.


Be intentional and aware of where we are at any given time…  Where am I now?  Which corner am I in?

ultimately we need help to come from the outside

  1. God
  2. Mentors
  3. Friends


  1. Medicate – temporary fix, alcohol, drugs, sugar, win games, win quarterly revenue,
  2. asdf –
  3. asdf –
  4.  Corner 4 – God, help me

Bible says we have the best possible life 1) relationship (love) with God and 2) relationship (love) with neighbor.  Scienctific evidence this is true:

  • Babies with no touch  after birth have higher death rates
  • Babies/children  (no bonding) with no touch and no communication have under developed brains
  • Kids with behavior problems often have grown up in environments with poor relationships.  Studies of their brains show smaller brains and sections of the brain are just missing a bunch of connections.
  • Teens in relationship have lower suicide rates
  • Most people going for assisted suicide are lonely
  • Old people in good relationship have lower rate of heart attacks and strokes
  • Old people in good relationship live longer

Need to process pain and go through stuff together.  Need relationship.

FROM the second we came into the world, we were searching for connection.  Baby born, cries, looks for mom.   Need connection from moment we were born to death.


LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!! – Glorifying God (love/relationship) is for Gods glory,  AND it also helps others AND! it helps ME.  This is why glorifying God is in my best interest.


2 Corinthians 7:5-10  GOD COMFORTS the depressed by sending people (relationship/love)

In fact, when we came into Macedonia, we[a] had no rest. Instead, we were troubled in every way: conflicts on the outside, fears inside. 6 But God, who comforts the humble, comforted us by the arrival of Titus,and not only by his arrival, but also by the comfort he received from you. He told us about your deep longing, your sorrow,[b] and your zealfor me, so that I rejoiced even more. For even if I grieved you with my letter, I do not regret it—even though I did regret it since I saw that the letter grieved you, yet only for a little while. Now I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because your grief led to repentance. For you were grieved as God willed, so that you didn’t experience any loss from us. 10 For godly grief produces a repentance not to be regretted and leading to salvation, but worldly grief produces death.

1 Peter 4:7-11

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: 11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.




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