Science shows that when I think about positive things it changes my behavior. (Confirmation BIAS)
The actions I take come directly from my thoughts.
“I continually justify myself….. I tell myself: because I am not getting “such and such” need met by my wife, I do not have to meet her “such and such” need.” This started my downward spiral in my marriage.
How to change the spiral to start going upwards?
Quote: “Your spouse cannot tick you off. REALLLY????? Your spouse does NOT have the power to piss you off. REALLLY????? You give your spouse the power to tick you off. AHHHH… If you actually want to stop being pissed off all the time, there are things you can do.”
CONFIRMATION BIAS – we tend to notice the things that we think about.
In psychology and cognitive science, confirmation bias (or confirmatory bias) is a tendency to search for or interpret information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions, leading to statistical errors. (This changes our own personal world vision, it plants evil seeds in my heart, this changes the lens how we see the world, Because “The actions I take come directly from my thoughts.” This affects and results in evil behavior. (Evil = something going against God’s plan.)
If you want to be happy, realize this… When I expect my spouse to always do things wrong, I am always looking for it and I always notice it. This fills my brain with negative thought and plants evil seeds in my heart. I need to retrain my brain to look for the good things and always think about those good things. I must take intentional actions to look for the good and take action on the good. Notice the good, give thanks for the good instead of notice the bad and take action on the bad. This is what the bible tells me in Philippians 4:8.
Philippians 4:8 — 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
When I look at your circumstances first I will always be miserable. I cannot find happiness in circumstances alone. I am surrounded by sinful people (naturally self centered, me centric people) — Science tells me this is true. I cannot find happiness until I have joy and contentment first. Once I have joy and contentment put first in my life and I know God, then I can find happiness in all circumstances.
Joy looks up.
Contentment looks inward.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a form of psychotherapy. It was originally designed to treat depression, but is now used for a number of mental disorders. It works to solve current problems and change unhelpful thinking and behaviour.
Cognitive behavioral therapy postulates that changing thinking leads to change in behavior. The basic steps in a cognitive-behavioral assessment include:
Step 1: Identify critical behaviors
Step 2: Determine whether critical behaviors are excesses or deficits
Step 3: Evaluate critical behaviors for frequency, duration, or intensity (obtain a baseline)
Step 4: If excess, attempt to decrease frequency, duration, or intensity of behaviors; if deficits, attempt to increase behaviors.
CBT techniques help individuals challenge their patterns and beliefs and replace “errors in thinking such as overgeneralizing, magnifying negatives, minimizing positives and catastrophizing” with “more realistic and effective thoughts, thus decreasing emotional distress and self-defeating behavior. Errors in thinking are known as cognitive distortions and can be either a pseudo- discrimination belief or an over-generalization of something. CBT techniques may also be used to help individuals take a more open, mindful, and aware posture toward them so as to diminish their impact.
Modern forms of CBT include a number of diverse but related techniques such as exposure therapy, stress inoculation training, cognitive processing therapy, cognitive therapy, relaxation training,dialectical behavior therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy. Some practitioners promote a form of mindful cognitive therapy which includes a greater emphasis on self-awareness as part of the therapeutic process.
CBT has six phases:
- Assessment orpsychological assessment;
- Skills acquisition;
- Skills consolidation and application training;
- Generalizationand maintenance;
- Post-treatment assessment follow-up.
Thinking Your Way to a Better Marriage (Part 1 of 2)
Keith and Sheila Gregoire